discipline..cause why not

September has been fast…and crappy and stressful so far. But cheers my friends because hurricane Irma is over, the excuse to eat tortilla chips and sit glued to the weather channel is over, and the mundane wait period is over. Looking back I should not have allowed stress from business or weather to determine or derail my life, I did in a way, and am tired of saying “tomorrow” or “when this is over” or “when this passes.” The only thing that passes is life, so lets get this game going, start working, start owning it, start being a boss and mastering this current life!

meditation, yoga, focus…thats all it takes, there is no hope there is only discipline.

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Yoga and ageless inspiration everyday

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The thing about yoga is that it can surprise you. Daily I see things about yoga online that make me pause and think. In my mind, just over two years ago, I thought yoga was for thin wealthy blonds in lulu lemon clothing…not for me. I was confused by the westerness that we all put on it, I didn’t get it. I don’t know that Ill ever truly get it but I try, day to day I try. When I look online and see Jessamyn Stanley KILLING it (mastering it Swami Paramananda would have me say “Ahimsa Katie, Ahimsa!”) in every pose imaginable, breaking the stereotype of looks in yoga, and Kelsey Koch owning and teaching yoga with a prosthetic leg I am in absolute aw, and also know that it is the truth, we are LIMITLESS.

I felt this in person, not just online, when I walked into Sivananda class in west palm beach to teach. It was my first yoga class teaching traditional Sivananda. I was a bit apprehensive but nothing major, I felt confident knowing the routine and believing that my purpose is to teach yoga, even if its only to my mom. So I greeted the students as they walked in…one seemed to be older than the next…and I became so excited and inspired and thrilled, and a bit terrified, older people may be set in their ways, what if I’m not what they’re used to?!?! I think the youngest person in the class was 72, and there were at least ten students there. Looking around I was thinking “how will they do headstand, how will they do shoulder stand?” I took a few deep breaths and began the class, initial relaxation easy, prayer WHAT THEY KNOW IT?! so cool!!! Then off we were in sun salutations, with all of them doing some version of it, doing their best, rocking the salutations, lifting their legs like they’re teenagers in double leg lifts, and then the moment of truth…sirsasana headstand…coming out of childs pose I guided them into headstand (as if they needed any guidance at all), these grandmas and grandpas shot up like rockets (ok some sort of slow moving rocket…paper airplane rocket or something like that). I looked around the room at them with so much gratitude to be in their presence. If they weren’t in the headstand, they were doing rounds of dolphin and I just smiled and knew I was right where I needed to be. The rest of the hour and a half went exactly the same, with these incredible senior citizens doing the very best yoga they could, at an age where so many just throw in the towel.

When the class was through and we finished chanting the tryambakam all together loud and proud, another amazing thing happened…they invited me for a coffee…naturally I went! How could I not!?!? So I joined five yogis for a dunking donuts and talked about their yoga journeys, which weren’t so different from my own. I had such a great time with them, and cant wait to teach them all again…who knows maybe scorpion next week!

Yoga truly has no face, no age and certainly no body type. Imagine an exercise that has no age limit? There never comes a time when you say “Im too old for this” because in yoga you simply never are. Thank you Sivananda for giving me this gift and ability to teach these beautiful souls. Om Om.

saying goodbye to celebs

Full disclosure – Im a huge fan of celebrity culture. I love perez hilton, the dailymail, and E! I know more about Madonna’s custody battle than I do about my cousins. I know more about Katy Perrys relationship status than I do about my grandmothers health…and I don’t even LIKE Katy Perry, I do like my grandmother!

My quest to grow and be better at being me, has taken to to this point…I have quit and I have quit cold turkey. Oh christ ok I’m lying, I have one loophole, I didn’t shut off my Eonline notifications on my phone, I only get an alert when something really big happens, AND I do not open the page. For two weeks I haven’t been on ANY gossip sites, read ANY celebrity news or looked at any paparazzi photos…this my dear friends is GROWTH.

After two weeks how do I untimely feel you ask? Well, I feel a little out of touch with my make believe friends, I feel a little lonely without them, I definitely have at least an hour or two of time on my hands to look up say cute puppies online instead of “stars they’re just like us!” ugh i feel dumb just admitting that.

Ultimately after 2 weeks I don’t truly miss any of them, and I will visit the important ones at the theater instead of caught off guard at the beach. I’m proud of this decision, and am really happy that I’m following through with it.

31 a year in review

As my birthday approaches I’m looking back on the past year…this one was one for the books. It was hard…there weren’t a lot of easy moments of 31, not a lot went right, not a lot went my way…that being said I’m certainly starting 32 out with a bang. A focus on myself, a shaky focus to be honest, but a growing and developing one. I don’t want to look at the last year and point out all that was wrong, I want to look forward to 32 and make sure I do all that is in my power to make it right. I want to continue to work on myself mentally, learning how to be still, how to meditate and how to give myself a break. I want to learn how to really love myself this year. In order to do that, I have to treat myself well. I get anxiety just reading what I’m writing…sometimes we don’t realize just how hard we are on ourselves until we try to be kind internally.

Thats my goal for my 32nd year, be kind..to others, and learn how to be kind to myself.

Mantra

I am strong, confident, beautiful, kind and ultimately at peace within myself.

Today a colleague of mine told me that I had lost a lot of weight. This validation made me straighten up in my chair and feel good about myself. But at the same time it deflated me a bit. I know how I look and feel, I shouldn’t need validation from anyone else to perk myself up. Compliments are so nice, and great to hear, but should not change what we know to be true. I should not sit up taller because a guy in the next office noticed my body. I should stand tall always because I notice my body, and I notice what is beautiful and what is inherently good from within.

I look too much for others approval and validation of my looks, actions and towards others to determine my mood. I will change this starting right now. Walking back to my office up the four flights of stairs, green tea in hands I created my very first Mantra.

Repeat it with me (follow with an OM if you wish!)

I am strong confident, beautiful, kind, and ultimately at peace within myself.

St. Patrick

Oh how I love today. I have pale skin, red hair and big blue eyes…no one asks where my origins are from, everyone says “your family is Irish right?” Honestly I spent the majority of my life trying to undo these genetic traits. My red hair went from brown to black to blond. My pale skin was tortured in tanning beds, then sprayed orange (a la Lindsey Lohan), and has given me the strangest tan lines (fine burn lines) ever seen…My eyes have never been anything other than awesome I have to admit, luckily I had one physical attribute I celebrated. But from the time I hit puberty I was in a constant state of panic about my looks, and desperate for a way to change them. Through years of struggle and pain, I had to find acceptance. Nothing works! Nothing works when it is not natural for you. My skin burns, and it sucks, but that’s what I have…I need to protect it. It’s so much more beautiful when it’s white and not orange and not burned and not tampered with. I have accepted that I’m so much more comfortable in the shade with a wide brimmed hat than I am in the sun sweating and burning…and somehow hoping for a golden brown outcome. It’s not me, and it’s not going to happen…EVER. My hair, it’s thick and straight, not wild, not brown and not blond. When I’m blond I look like my hair and skin mesh into one. When I have brown hair I look ordinary. Most of the time I’m the only girl in the room with red hair…and that’s awesome. Red heads…we’re fiery, and that’s a fact.

Growing up is an obstacle course. Luckily I made it through without permanent damage, and I can stand proudly in the shade with 75 spf sunscreen on completely at peace. I know I’m the best version of myself when I’m honest, and honestly I’m getting better and better with every day of acceptance.

Happy St. Patrick’s day to all you crazy red heads, beautifully tanned beach goers and natural blonds, you’re all Irish today, live it up McStyle.