Where in the OM am I?

I am currently reading the book “where in the OM am I” by Sara Divello…and Im pretty much loving it. I relate to a lot of the subject matter. The feeling inside of needing to feel grateful for having a job, but it sucks the life out of you…but you have a job so you need to be grateful….but it sucks the LIFE OUT OF YOU! The constant belief that its simply irresponsible to quit, and you need to just stick it out…or get another job….which in the end will ultimately be the same. I enjoy her more mainstream look at the yogi culture. How us “normal” people feel when surrounded by yogi’s…which is a mixture of aw and repulsion. This book is helping me on my Inspiration Train, and I’m loving each page as it excites me for what is to come in my own journey.



Self-Help…yes please help!

I read self-help books. Generally I keep this a secret, no one really needs to know that I’m reading “miracle morning” or “Kiss that Frog!” I find it embarrassing that I read these books. I’m not sure why, but I’m shy about it, and blush if someone takes my kindle to look around (ok fine it’s the erotica I find embarrassing). I think I like to have a façade that I have it all together, and I just was made perfect this way (if one day I ever actually have it together, it will literally be a miracle), but in my head I believe I project this to the world. There are things about myself that I really don’t like. I’m not sure if self-help books will ever change them, or make me more aware, or if I can just mentally be like “I’m Zen cause I read the headspace book, so fuck off.” The point of the books is the willingness to try. I always want to be borderline perfect. I want to be loved by everyone, even though I dislike the majority of the people I meet. I want to be sweet and kind, even though my nature is sarcastic and sometimes abrasive. I want to be patient and relaxed, even though I want everything done right now, and see black spots when people challenge me.

So far from the self-help books I have learned that

  1. If you get up earlier you can accomplish way more…which has led to massive anxiety of still not being able to accomplish everything even though I get up at 4:45am…nice.
  2. I have learned to manage my time…which has led to micro managing hourly time schedules to increase productivity during free time…which has led to massive anxiety if hours overlap…and then I’m screwed…nice
  3. I have learned that 10 minutes of mindfulness and learning to quiet the voices inside of my head will lead to greater calm and focus….which has led to my inner voices screaming at me saying “WHY CANT YOU STOP THE VOICES?!?!? BE CALM FOR FUCKS SAKE!” … which has led to me feeling stupid for wasting 10 minutes when I could have been being productive doing something else…nice
  4. I have learned that “your diet is like your bank account” so if you over eat you need to under eat the next meal…which has led to a diet consisting of salads and cereal bars because I find that I’m better at saving calories than money. So instead of stashing cash, I save and don’t ruin my account on a cake splurge at a birthday party…nice (I may have really missed the point of the bank account trick)
  5. I have learned that Mantras and visualization are keys to accomplishing tasks and ultimate goals. This I believe…but can’t find a damn mantra to repeat! Which gives me massive anxiety and pressure that I’m not creative enough to come up with a 3 word phrase to repeat in my head to stay on track…FML comes to mind.

Nonetheless I love these books, I adapt the mindset for at least a month or two, slip back slowly into old habits and then pick up a new one and start on another track. It may be healthy, or it may not be…either way I do it, I am now owning it and I am currently reading “you are a badass” (duh like I didn’t know that).

“The nightingale” by Kristin Hannah

I have not been touched by a book like this in a long time. Through the story of isabele and Viane I was transformed. I feel connected to a war that I did not live though, and I feel so proud of people who I have no connection to. This book inspired me, and made me wonder what I would do if put in their situation. One ordinary, one reckless…both ending up doing extraordinary things for strangers. I hope I would be so brave. I finished this book last night, and am not ashamed to say I cried my way through the ending, I have no idea the last time, if ever, I cried reading a book. This morning when I was telling the story to my husband, I was holding back tears again, as if these characters were people I knew, people I was inspired by. I recommend this book to everyone, it will push you and inspire you and hopefully make you hold your loved ones a little closer at night.

The only bad part about reading a book this phenomenal, is that the next book I read wont measure up.

“we are called to Rise” by Laura McBride


“we are called to rise” starts off interesting enough, the setting itself being Las Vegas makes you think it’s going to be a great story filled with messy everything! I’m known to like a little (ok fine a lot) of mess in my reading… However this book falls short on many occasions and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. I was looking for a fun summer read with a bit of drama…this was a miss. The characters are under developed, you don’t feel like you know any character at all except for Bashkim the 7 year old Albanian boy. Not an exciting part of the messy Vegas I wanted to read about. If I wanted to read a book that was written from a 7 year olds perspective and voice I would have gone to the children’s section.  All in all I was trying to read the book just so I could finish it and move on.