Going along with my obsession with all things celebrity, comes the media driven world of what my body should look like…this has lead to emulating “model behavior.” Ive been through all of the phases that it takes to look, and feel like a model. Wait hold the “look” Im about 4 inches too short and not nearly pretty enough, but I tried to walk to the walk (off the catwalk). The below five rules are what i lived by for a great deal of my 20’s.
- starve – you must starve there is no other way
- excessively exercise – everyday multiple times
- smoke – cigarettes seem to come with this territory
- coffee / diet coke (what thats not a meal you say?)
- when you show up anywhere always say “oh i just ate thanks though”
Now I’m 32…and to be perfectly honest still struggle HARD with what my body needs to look like. The media has murdered my self esteem, and brainwashed me into what is beautiful. Just this morning i weighed in, giving myself a month goal of how much weight i need to lose, and no its not a healthy 2 pounds a week.
I no longer smoke, drink diet coke, or say “i just ate” when i show up places. I don’t have the same eating disorder that i struggled with in my 20’s, however, same as the majority of women, i have an unhealthy relationship with food, and with body image. While it has gotten better as Ive gotten older, it doesn’t fully go away, its more of an internal fight for freedom from the images in my head. So as the quest for inner peace continues into this 32nd year of my life I guess that I can be thankful that I have grown away from the five rules of my 20’s and gone into different rules for my 30’s, much less restrictive, they are healthier, and contain food!
- eat clean (no alcohol, sweets, bread, or pasta)
- exercise everyday
I don’t emulate model behavior anymore, and can see that I have improved. its important to see growth and to remind yourself that while maybe it will be a struggle for your whole life, it gets easier…it all gets easier, and maybe give yourself a break.